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Principally a sofa, it can be turned into a bed when the need arises — if someone comes to stay or you have had a row. A bed sofa, though? A way round the bedroom tax perhaps, a loophole?

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They are keen on having his name on one of their products, but the British bad boy is giving a big headache to a lot of reasonable, optimistic, altruistic Swedes. Beds have different, more stringent tests than sofas, and if Tom is going to insist on calling it a bed there may have to be changes.

Timely, too, after the death last week of Ikea founder Ingvar Kamprad. A wobbly stool, a sofa carpet and — my favourite — something that might be a side table, a carpet or a pillow and which folds up into something that looks like a big samosa.

Or available for online? The bed is hard to make. I think I would rather have chocolate than a carpet-pillow-table.

I think I would rather have chocolate than a carpet-pillow-table. But I was one of the million in 49 countries to visit a big blue box last year — more proudly now, knowing that Jacob Rees-Mogg never has done.

So, what you probably want to know is do we like the Minnen? Ikea does sell fitted sheets that will fit the mattress, and we purchased a set, but the quality was poor and the jersey knit quickly got holes in it. I hope this helps you make up your mind if you're considering the Minnen!

The numbers are terrifying. And the Ikea catalogue: Is there a parallel? The staff of the new store in Sheffield are making their cases to be picked for a visit to Ikea headquarters.

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  • Perhaps Szymon is the Charlie Bucket character, though; he has applied three times before, but never been picked … but this time he has, yay! But this is much more like a religious pilgrimage.

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  • When Kamprad started out, it was tough: There are copies, in every language, for everyone. Simon, visibly moved by the experience, asks a Sheffield colleague what he has taken from the trip.

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    Not a hint of irony. Szymon, looking out over the lake, imagines one of those stones has his name on it, the Szymon stone.

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